why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
