I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
