I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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