Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
