his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
