worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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