Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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