So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
