My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
