my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
