I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
