Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
