God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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