How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
