Me. At least after what I've been through.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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