Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
God I need to hump something, right now.
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