mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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