walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
