When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
