WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
