kristin has been a bad kristin
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
