You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
