I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
