I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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