i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
