Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
