There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
