This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
