I bet he comes in French.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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