So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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