i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
