Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
