My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
