Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize