Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
did i just pee glitter
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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