There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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