like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
