He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
