Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize