then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
