i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Terrible idea I love it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
