When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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