his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
