his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
