We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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