that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
