I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
