You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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