My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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