she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
