Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They should really pass out barf bags in church
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
