Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
