Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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