Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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