not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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