We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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