What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
