Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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