I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Four minutes until I can fart!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ladies don't puke and tell
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
