Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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