yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize