I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize