its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
