It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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