My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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