Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize