My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize