I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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