It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
