You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
