you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
