Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
