why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
