it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
