I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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