he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Damn victory sex feels great
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
