The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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