Pregnant stripper...not hot.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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