Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
