Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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