Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
