you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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