Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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