So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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