we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
