that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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