Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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