Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize