Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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