you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
