We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
