i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we're so committed to being not committed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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